I spend 40% of my time running scenarios in my head. Sometimes it’s things that have already happened that I wish had happened differently. More often than not it’s how I want my life to go. It’s how I want certain people to fit into my life. What happens when I don’t know what I want anymore? The headache and exhaustion I feel right now.
I’m happier than ever, though.
Shit.
There are lots of things I want to have/do/be.
There are lots of things I will never have/do/be.
There is a lot of overlap of the two.
Good things lead to bad things sometimes.
Bad things lead to good things a lot too, though.
You can’t believe the glass is half empty,
or you just might try to drown yourself in it.
I miss a lot of things…and people.
I think about them a lot, for all the right reasons.
It makes me sad that some chapters in my life are closed, especially since I know there was more to be written.
And I worry more about lost characters getting their happily ever after than I do about myself.
In all honesty, I’m finally in the anger phase, but I still care, not romantically, not longingly. I just care.
I often wonder if the chapters will ever be finished, but I know it’s not in my hands to do so. I can only close them and move on.
Please be happy because it matters to me.
And get fucked because I’m still hurt by your actions and very much angry with you.
